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The Truth Behind – If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy

if mama aint happy aint nobody happy NAM picI love country music.  Long ago the lyrics “If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy” stuck in my head.  Personal and professional experience has taught me this statement is true.  Moms, our children and families are only as happy and healthy as we are.

That’s a bold statement.

This week I shared by “Mama Ain’t Happy” story at three women’s events.  It’s not a story about unhappiness but about how my issues affected my parenting.

I’ve got issues. Do you have issues?

As a counselor in the public sector, it’s safe to say most of us have something we struggle with. It might be long-term or just situational. It might be a relationship. I’m not exempt from the statistics. Neither are you.

When I was a young mom, I felt invincible as long as things went well. When stress, insecurities and demands of parenting got the best of me, I reverted back to behavior I struggled with as a teen and young adult. I responded in ways that brought out the worst in me and negatively affected my kids and marriage. Can you relate?

Becoming a mom doesn’t mean our problems or struggles go away. In fact, having children accentuates them.  God was gracious enough through various stages of parenting to reveal how my childhood issues were still a part of me as an adult. They formed my thoughts, opinions and reactions as I dealt with my kids.  When I stuffed my feelings so they wouldn’t affect the kids, I responded to the kids out of my pain.

What things do you stuff inside of you?  How are you handling your hurts and pain? Are you acknowledging your hurts and dealing with them or are you ignoring them while they eat away at you?  Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean the pain goes away. What you do with your hurt is important because your response affects your kids.

Kids are like sponges. They soak up our words, our feelings and our values. No matter how young they are, they absorb the environment around them. If you’re wrestling with anxiety, depression, anger, busyness, self-medication or other things, you can’t ignore them. Giving yourself permission to own your feelings and struggles is important in healing.  It’s easy to hide behind the duties and role of being a mom. It becomes hard when parenting isn’t easy and your hurt and pain floats to the surface.

What are your hurts and pains? How can the team at NAM pray for you and lift you up? Don’t shy away from professional or pastoral help in confronting and healing from your pain. Being a mom doesn’t make the hurt go away and your kids need you to be whole for their health, too.

In October, 2013 and July, 2014, the team at Not Alone Mom is holding a conference where hope, encouragement, and healing will be poured out to moms of all ages. I’ll be sharing my story of hope, restoration, and healing.

If you need hope, encouragement and healing, stay connected with Not Alone Mom for upcoming details. In the meantime, what hurt and pain to you have that you need to deal with? How can we pray for you?

 

Brenda L. Yoder, MA
Brenda has a Master’s Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and a BA in Education. After being a stay-at-home-mom and a high school teacher, she currently is an elementary school counselor, behavioral service provider, and has a small private counseling practice. Her greatest passion is encouraging others, ministering God’s Word, and joining women in their walk with the Lord.

4 thoughts on “The Truth Behind – If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy

  1. Katie 28 says:

    Hi, I found your site when I was having an especially low moment and searched something along the lines of “mom with feelings of guilt” or “devotionals for mom with toddler” a few wks ago… I have a two year old and 7 week old. I was feeling really sad and guilty that my days of only getting 2-3 hours of sleep were causing me to bark at my toddler and snap at her 🙁 :(. My infant has a lot of gas issues so she cries pretty frequently through the day and is up a lot at night. Could use prayers.. I try and pray daily that The Lord helps me think before I speak, helps me to speak gently and act lovingly to my children, gives me the energy to sit and play with my toddler and just gives me strength. Also.. That he helps me feel less anxious and meet friends in our area- recently moved to an area away from friends and fam and live in a rural, small town. I would love if u could lift those things up in prayer. I’ve really appreciated your site and spent a lot of time reading through various articles. They’ve been a huge encouragement. Thank you!!!!! God bless, Katie.

    1. Krissy says:

      Hi Katie! Thank you so much for writing in. My children are 19 months apart…it’s tough! It blesses me beyond words that you have found such encouragement from Not aLone Mom. This is precisely the reason I started this ministry. After some dark day in my own journey dealing with the mommy guilt I knew I needed to reassure moms that they are not alone in this and to give them (you) a place to rest in that understanding and be encouraged.

      Yes, I will indeed be praying. — Dear Jesus, I lift Katie up to you now and ask that our give her strength in her days. Renew her peace, her joy, refresh her tired and weary body and spirit. Right now wrap your loving arms of grace around her and remind her of your love. Let your sweet spirit of peace brush past her now and all through out her day. We thank you that we can come to you for these things and you give them to us freely and without hesitation. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

      1. Brenda says:

        Katie,

        Thank you so much for your comments! We will for sure be praying for you! Sometimes the darkest days in parenting make you feel like you’re all alone. It’s hard to say “I’m struggling” when everyone else around you looks like they are not. Thank you for sharing with us here~

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