I’ve been struggling for a while, wondering how much of my life to share and trying to figure out my boundaries. Where I want them to be, where they should be, how I can connect with others and the message that I feel like God has put on my heart.
I’ve dealt with the fear of not being able to perform even though performing was never in the vocabulary of what I intended for this to be. But also feeling like there’s an expectation to meet and… how do I meet it when life is so full?
I’ve been slammed lately with regular life. The realities of life in a big family and a family with special needs and a family with medical needs and so…
I’ve been… absent. In this waiting place. Waiting for more time to write and to finish writing, more time to think and connect those thoughts, more time to fine tune and process some more….
But I kind of think that through all of that I’ve missed the point.
More than anything I want you to know that 1) You are Not Alone and 2) There is Resurrection Hope in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.
So, how can you know that you are not alone in your struggle if I am not willing to be vulnerable… and present. Even in and especially when I’m in hard places.
It’s been recommended to me to teach from my scars and not from my wounds, and this makes a lot of sense to me. But I also think that there is a middle ground… the struggle. Feeling Not Alone is often knowing that someone else is experiencing a similar struggle as you IN the moment, not just in a past moment.
Why do you think young moms bond so easily? An older mom can remind us that the kids will grow up someday, and we need that reminder, encouragement, and wisdom. But a mom in the struggle can say “hey, I feel ya.” and that can mean the world. Knowing that we aren’t the only ones going through the crazy hard thing that we are going through provides comfort and connection.
Which brings me to my next thing… have you been struggling? I have.
Life has been super hard around here.
About a month ago my husband got some unexpected scary news at a doctor’s appointment that left us speechless, heartbroken, and a little numb. We were able to avoid the crisis moment, but the scare lasted, and the weight of it has settled. And while we were still processing through that reality, we entered a new medical battle with one of our sons. One that is seemingly minor as it’s not threatening his life, but it has definitely been threatening our daily living and has resulted in numerous doctor’s appointments and testing to figure out what. is. going. on.
And with all of this… I’ve been struggling. Can you feel me?
I know that I’m not alone and that God is with us. But, I’m still having to fight these battles, make these phone calls, think through all the things, go to all the appointments…
It’s been a battle of fighting… yet surrendering, which has been super challenging to figure out. It’s the fighting for my son and knowing that there are choices I can make and things I can do to advocate for my son to find the best possible solution and comfort in a miserable albeit hopefully temporary reality… but also surrendering in each small or big moment with the reality that Only Jesus truly knows what’s going on and ultimately, it’s in His hands, not mine. HE numbers our days, not me.
It feels like what I imagine a ship would experience if it was in the middle of the storm yet anchored. The storm has been raging around me. The sails are torn, there is water in the boat, the wind and waves have been relentlessly tearing at the ship, yet it won’t float away because it is anchored.
I am anchored.
My faith in the Resurrection Hope through Jesus Christ, Savior of the World, anchors me.
I’m being torn about but I’m anchored.
I’m beaten up but I’m anchored.
I’m caught off guard and confused, but I’m anchored.
I’m completely worn out, but I’m anchored.
I’ve questioned some, but I’m anchored.
I’ve been moody and brash at times, but still anchored.
My smile has faded as I wage the battle, but I’m anchored.
I don’t know when this battle will end or the next one will begin, but I’m anchored.
I’m holding fast to Resurrection Hope knowing that this is where I am secure, where I find my stability. Even in the uncertainty.
So if you’ve been struggling…. fighting and surrendering… you’re Not Alone. Me, too. The battle isn’t over, but the war is won. Because we have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure Hebrews 6:19.
Thanks be to God for Resurrection Hope.
NOT ALONE MINISTRIES 