One ordinary morning, fourteen months ago, our life took a drastic and unexpected turn. I had just returned from a drill weekend with my Army Reserve unit, and I remember sitting on the couch in the living room and noticing our son, Eli, walking… differently. Eli is our fourteen-year-old son that lives with spastic cerebral palsy that predominantly impacts the right side of his body. While his stride is noticeably different than most, something about the way he was walking was “wrong”. I remember asking him if he was okay and without hesitation, he nodded his head and kept walking. Maybe the weather change made his legs really tight, I thought, but my concerns were up. I made a note to observe him more closely the next couple of days. By the next morning, we were surprised to see Eli crawl out of his bedroom, pull himself to stand using a piece of living room furniture, and then hobble into the kitchen with the support of anything he could grasp. By the third morning he was unable to walk at all. To say that my husband and I were shocked was an understatement. We were alarmed, concerned, confused, and more. What happened??
After multiple doctor appointments, medical testing, and consulting with his physical therapist, we still had no answers. No one had answers. Since we couldn’t find a reason for the problem, we didn’t have any idea if Eli’s inability to walk was temporary or his new normal. We were devastated for Eli, and our lives turned upside down, too. Not having needed medical equipment before, our bodies became the equipment. We carried, lifted, and maneuvered the best we could, asking our Sunday School class to pray for our bodies to be strong. My husband took off work because my 5’1” frame struggled to keep up with the physical demands we now faced daily. We borrowed “wheels” from therapy, Eli missed an excessive amount of school, and we were otherwise speechless. We watched our extremely active, albeit differently abled, son completely lose his independence, with the weakness on the right side of his body inhibiting his ability for his arms to compensate for what his legs could no longer do. While our words were few, our minds were racing. Since I really had no idea when or if Eli would be able to walk again, I did not want to plaster on well-meaning but empty phrases that I’ve used in many situations before: It’s gonna be okay or It’ll all work out. No, those wouldn’t work for this. This was too big, too weighty, too real. The only honest thing I could think to tell Eli that could offer any hope or comfort was…
Eli, You Are Not Alone. God is with you.
This Truth became a desperate plea and routine phrase that I would repeat to him over and over throughout the following days and weeks. You’re Not Alone, Eli, God is with you. You’re Not Alone, God is with you. God, help Eli know that He is Not Alone! Help him to know you are with him!
While I clung to this Truth for Eli, I also noticed a shift in me. Up until now I realized that most of my prayers had me crying out to God and begging him for results, positive results. Change this, change that, help with this, help with that… Please, Lord! I know you can!! These prayers were fixed on the hope of desired healing while completely missing the Resurrection Hope found in the Healer himself.
Galatians 3:26, 4:6 For through faith you are all sons of God in Christ Jesus…And because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying “Abba, Father!”
This time, despite the shock, the hardship, the sadness, and the overwhelming sense of losing all independence for both Eli and us as his caregivers, my prayer changed from results focused—Heal him, LORD, restore his body!—to focus on hope in the Healer himself:
LORD, HELP ELI KNOW HE IS NOT ALONE WITH YOU!
I knew that despite physical healing, or the adjustment to a new normal, what Eli needed most was healing for his soul through Jesus Christ as Savior and LORD. An earthly manifestation of healing would be temporary while spiritual healing would last for eternity!
1 Peter 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead 4and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.
Perhaps you are experiencing a circumstance in which every fiber of your being wants it to change or be restored. Perhaps you have found yourself crying out to God for healing, restoration, or relief, and, like me, have begged God for positive results with your eyes fixed on the healing instead of the Healer. Or perhaps you are like Eli and what you need most in your life is for the Healer to redeem you into Resurrection Hope for eternity. If so, You are Not Alone. I’ve discovered that the things or ideas that I hold most tightly to are often the things I need to release to God the most. They are also the things that are the hardest for me to release. Which led me to this prayer:
Father-God, Help me to want YOU more than I want ________.
Admittedly, this is a hard prayer to pray and really mean it. But when I want anything more than I want God, then my relationship with my Father-God is compromised. I don’t want earthly healing at the cost of losing sight of the Healer himself! That temporary gain is not worth the loss!
Matthew 16:24-26a Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? (ESV)
If you find yourself in a position where your gaze has been fixated on the healing instead of the Healer, I invite you to confess your sin to God and set your mind on Christ. With Him is the only place that lasting hope can be found.
Colossians 3:1-4 So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Eight weeks after Eli lost his ability to walk, he made nearly a full recovery. His recovery left us almost as speechless as his sudden loss of ability, but we were rejoicing and so very thankful to see our son walk and run again. Around a month after Eli’s recovery, he recognized his desperate need for spiritual healing and surrendered his life to Christ. I know that God used that trying time in Eli’s life to ultimately lead him to the cross and I can honestly say I am so grateful that God allowed us to go through that pain so we could later experience a greater joy –one that will last forever!
While we seemed to receive a double blessing out of this trying situation, earthly and spiritual healing, there are other circumstances in my life that I have prayed desperate prayers for that seem to remain unanswered or been given a “no”. I can’t even begin to understand the mind of God and why sometimes we get a “yes” and other times we don’t. I do know that when God’s version is different than what I want, sometimes the pain feels gut-wrenching. It’s during these times of wrestling that I must set my mind to the things above and choose to say, “God, help me want you more.” I know that it’s not something I can do in my own strength, but only with His divine help. Praise God that with Him, we are Not Alone. He is with us now, and He will be with us in eternity. HE is our Resurrection Hope!
If you have never accepted Jesus as your Savior and LORD and want to read more about it, you can visit my Resurrection Hope page to learn more! HE is worth it!
Speaking and Praying Scripture – FEBRUARY
1 Peter 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead 4and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.
Matthew 16:24-25 (ESV) Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Colossians 3:1-2
So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.
PRAYER:
Dear God, You are a good, good Father who loves us so much. Thank you for the gift of your Son, Jesus, who died on the cross for our sins so that if we confess with our mouth that Jesus is LORD and believe in our heart that God raised him from the dead, we will be saved (Romans 10:9).
God, thank you that because of your great mercy you have given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and have given us the gift of an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, and kept in heaven for us! God, we know that to follow you we must deny ourselves and take up our cross. Please help reveal the areas in our lives that need to be surrendered help us set our minds on things above, not on earthly things. Give us a heart and desire to want you more than anything else.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
NOT ALONE MINISTRIES 